It's Over

I have finally came to realize that me and Chris will never be. I want him to want me so much that I am sick of wanting to be wanted. I shouldn't feel this way I should be happy right? But then why do I feel so goddamn miserable. I love him with every ounce of my being but what is love when the other person doesn't feel the same. I just don't know anymore he wants me to live for me but all I want to do is live for him.

A new day

So, after yesterday I feel much better. I can actually breathe once again. I talked to my best friend Sarah Muzyka and she explained to me that I need to get better if I want to be with Chris again. He is right I do. I am driving myself crazy with the thoughts of thinking about him 24/7. I just need to be a better me and hopefully one day we will find our way back to one another but if not at least I will be a better me. I will always love him and I hope he still loves me. If he doesn't then I can't really be mad at him for it. Maybe my Prince Charming is out there?

Chris

I didn't even think it to be possible that he wouldn't love me any more but I was wrong. His name was Christopher M. Sloan and I met him in the 4th grade and I instantly fell for him. Honestly, I always thought me and him would get together but I didn't actually know when. Till we met again in high school 6 years later. My cousin was there with me and my exact words to her were " I am going to marry him." For the next 3 years I thought that to be true. We had a rough and rocky road for those 3 years but at least I thought he loved me. We would fight like cats and dogs and I wouldn't care because I loved whole heart and soul. Until one day when he decided that he had had enough of it. He called it quits and left me by the roadside. Since this has happened I have wanted to kill myself because I can not take the dreaming of him, countless nights not sleeping because of him, only eating when I am absolutely starving and the endless pain of my heart being broken. I know it may seem silly or trivial but my heart truly belonged to him and I do not think I can ever love someone else or fall in love for that matter. I am officially broken and can not be fixed he was the one person that I gave everything to and he will be the last. I just wish I could feel that he loved me again because then I knew I could feel something his love kept me grounded and helped me to want more for myself more from life, why did my dreams die with him? I think it is because he was my soul mate and in fact this does feel like I lost my soul. I do not think I will be able to find it again with out him.